Inspiration

Strange thoughts and words.
Flowing
and decadent.
Where do they come from?

They cannot be mine.
Mine are
choppy
disconnected
confused.
These are smooth and
luscious.
Like chocolate on my tongue.

I know not where these words
originate
or where
they are going.
Am I going mad?

Is it madness to blindly follow?
clueless
questioning
hoping
that the end is as beautiful
as the journey.

The true author of these words knows.
But He is ever
silent
secretive
only prompting.

Yet, curiosity is all-consuming.
Prodding
tormenting
wondering
Where does this road lead?

The answer is not to be found.
Unless I follow
and by following
reach
the end.

Very Full Of Our Self-Importance We Are

We rush around to do so many important things. A meeting. An assembly. A party. We stress out over so many important things. Does he like me? Am I getting fat? Is this true love? Can I afford a bigger TV?
OR
Will I get that job? Will that college accept me? Can I get a 4.0 GPA?

So much of importance that must be accomplished! So much that can possibly go wrong!

Yet, what is a drop in an ocean? What is one day out of an entire year? What is one book in a library?

Minuscule, that's what. Small and unimportant.

So worry! Stress! Rush around and accomplish your single-minded, self-centered goals. Then, when you finally achieve what you were chasing after or despair of ever getting it, look back on the lives you touched.

See the tears you never wiped away. Notice the pain you caused and the scars you created. See the laughter you never got to share and the jokes you failed to tell.

The truth?

It's not really the "Here" and "Now" that matter.

It's the "Who."

Who have you blessed, encouraged, hugged, or loved today?

This week?

Month? Year?

Dreams

I was talking to a friend about dreams today.

What a fascinating concept--the human ability to dream. How do you limit such a wonderful thing to words?

You can't limit it, of course. That's just the thing that makes up its very essence. A dream is limitless. Anything you can imagine suddenly becomes a possibility! Cripples can walk. The blind can see. The ugly become beautiful and Prince Charming waltzes in and sweeps you off your feet. "Impossible" has ceased to be a word in your vocabulary.

There is only one condition: closed eyes. You must close your eyes to reality, to practicality, to logic. You must not think of what mother would say or what your friends will think. You know that mother is very logical and likes practical things. Under such scrutiny, your dream would probably fall to pieces. Many of your friends, also, are not very supportive. The way of today's world is to look out for yourself. They have their own dreams and have no time for yours. Besides, they have sharp tongues. Under such heavy ridicule, your dreams would wither in seconds.

The world is a dangerous place. It is important to hold your dreams close to your own heart. Once you let them out, who knows what will happen to them! What if you never get them back? What if they are injured beyond all hope?

For each person, the dangers are a little different. And yet, so many dreams are shot down before they even have a chance to breathe! Do not let that happen to yours. Cherish it. Keep it close. Achieve it. Then, when you have reached the heights you dreamed of, stand proud and declare your accomplishments.

Look forward to the time when you can finally say "I am living my dream."

A dream is a beautiful thing. Cherish yours, for there are many who have lost theirs.

New Beginnings

Last day of school is long gone. Senior trip has been over. Graduation? Been there and done that. I suppose it's about time to write something meaningful.

This middle state is very interesting. There are no titles on me yet. I am no longer a high school senior. Nor am I quite a college freshman yet. I'm just me, and that is quite enough.

Friendships that have been will no longer be. New ones will be formed. My entire life is changing. And yet, some things will forever be the same. It doesn't feel like I have changed much. Either for better or for worse.

I'm both excited and scared at the same time. I look forward to seeing how my life will change and what new adventures and discoveries lie before me. However, I am heading directly into the great unknown. Anything could happen and my control is so small.

Stress is big, too. There's so much to do between now and then!

I think responsibility is overrated. I don't know about any of you, but every once in a while I get the urge to leave. Actually, I get that urge quite often. It's the desire to just stand up and walk away... and just keep walking. To forget about everything that needs to be done and all the people that have some claim on my time. Instead, to walk. Enjoy nature. Enjoy being alive! Relish my smallness in relation to the universe. Enjoy being alone.

It turns out that having one special person in your life is not necessary. It is possible to get through life without ever having one really good friend to support you and be supported by you. It is possible to get through life without ever having a significant other. While it is better to have good friends and companionship, it isn't necessary. I would not say it is not worth it if you have it, but don't waste your life seeking it. Enjoy the friends and family you have, but when they move on, open your heart to others. I am learning that you cannot ever run out of love. As new people come into your lives, there is room in your heart for them along with everyone else--nobody needs to be replaced. Your heart just automatically expands to encompass them as well! It's amazing and so sweet. Yes, it hurts when it is time to move on or others leave you. However, do not dwell on the sadness of parting, but, rather, the joy of new relationships. That is hard for me to do, but when I finally slap myself out of a pity party, I feel so much better!

All this change makes me look back at my life. That's not an altogether happy thing. However, all the things I've done make up who I am. Whether I like that or not, it's just the way it is. All that remains is for me to decide whether or not I will accept who I am. But if I do not accept my identity, how can others accept it?

Such are the random thoughts that flit through my mind almost daily as I deal with this in-between state. And the desire to stand up and walk off somewhere remains. But I have been told to go to bed and must obey.

took another random quiz... whee!

What does my birth month say about me?

September

Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

hmm.. comments, please. just for the fun of it. =]

Fine Again

by Seether

"It seems like everyday's the same
And I'm left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
And there's no color to behold

They say it's over and I'm fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober, feels like I'm dying here

And I am aware now of how
Everything's going to be fine
One day, too late, I'm in Hell

I am prepared now
Seems everyone's gonna be fine
One day, too late, just as well

I feel the dream in me expire
And there's no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
'Cause I can't seem to get this through

You say it's over, I can sigh again, yeah
But why try to stay sober when I'm dying here?

And I am aware now of how
Everything's gonna be fine
One day, too late, I'm in Hell

I am prepared now
Seems everyone's gonna be fine
One day, too late, just as well

And I'm not scared now
I must assure you
You're never going to get away
And I'm not scared now, no
And I'm not scared now, no

So, yeah, I'm aware now of how
Everything's gonna be fine
One day, too late, I'm in Hell

I am prepared now
Seems everyone's gonna be fine
One day, too late, just as well

I am prepared now
Seems everything's gonna be fine
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself

I am prepared now for myself
I am prepared now and I am fine again"

Why, Why, Why...

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they already know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?”

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my favorite …

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends—if they’re okay, then it’s you.

Fine?

Yes, it hurt. But I'll be fine. In fact, I'll be more than fine. There is this overarching sense of freedom. It won't go away. I'm free. I keep saying it to myself. It feels so good. Half the stuff that used to stress me out has been taken away from me. Half the people who used to drive me crazy are now invisible to me. It's both wonderful and terrible.

Harrison always teases me about my bad memory. However, it's times like these that make me happy that I can forget things so easily. All the painful memories are gone. What's left? freedom. happiness. renewed well-being and self-confidence. I don't have to doubt myself. Each person makes their own choices. They chose this. I welcome it.

So long. Farewell. I just hope that you don't ever regret this. I don't.

There is, though, one person I feel bad for--the boyfriend. The rebound. I pity him. I wonder how long he'll have before he gets ditched, too? And I wonder how he would feel if he knew that he could never fill the hole that the first one left. *shakes head sadly* then again, it's not my problem anymore. I'm free. =]

Anyone else decide they don't like me anymore? Now's the time to let me know. You can get in line and I'll add your name to the list.

And now is when I laugh. A clear, happy laugh. Not my usual tired, cynical, or maniacal laughter. Truly happy laughter.

My love to all those who I keep in my heart. My humblest apologies if I ever let you feel as invisible and worthless as I have felt. My love for you will grow forever unless you kill it. Your choice.

Gone

Don't say so long, and throw yourself wrong
Don't spend today away
Cuz today will soon be

Gone, like yesterday is gone,
Like history is
Gone, just trying to prove me wrong
And pretend like you're immortal

Don't say so long
You're not that far gone
This could be your big chance to makeup
Today will soon be

Gone, like yeterday is gone,
Like history is gone,
The world keeps spinning on,
Your going going gone,
Like summer break is gone,
Like saturday is gone
Just try to prove me wrong
You pretend like your immortal your immortal

We are not infinite
We are not permanent
Nothing is immediate
We're so confident
In our accomplishments
Look at our decadence

Gone, like Frank Sinatra
Like Elvis and his mom
Like AL Pacino's cash nothing lasts in this life
My highschool dreams are gone
My childhood sweets are gone
Life is a day that doesn't last for long

Life is more than money
Time was never money
Time was never cash,
Life is still more than girls
Life is more than hundred dollar bills
And roto-tom fills
Life's more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
All the riches of the kings
End up in wills we got information in the information age
But do we know what life is
Outside of our convenient Lexus cages

Life is still worth living, life is still worth living