New Beginnings

Last day of school is long gone. Senior trip has been over. Graduation? Been there and done that. I suppose it's about time to write something meaningful.

This middle state is very interesting. There are no titles on me yet. I am no longer a high school senior. Nor am I quite a college freshman yet. I'm just me, and that is quite enough.

Friendships that have been will no longer be. New ones will be formed. My entire life is changing. And yet, some things will forever be the same. It doesn't feel like I have changed much. Either for better or for worse.

I'm both excited and scared at the same time. I look forward to seeing how my life will change and what new adventures and discoveries lie before me. However, I am heading directly into the great unknown. Anything could happen and my control is so small.

Stress is big, too. There's so much to do between now and then!

I think responsibility is overrated. I don't know about any of you, but every once in a while I get the urge to leave. Actually, I get that urge quite often. It's the desire to just stand up and walk away... and just keep walking. To forget about everything that needs to be done and all the people that have some claim on my time. Instead, to walk. Enjoy nature. Enjoy being alive! Relish my smallness in relation to the universe. Enjoy being alone.

It turns out that having one special person in your life is not necessary. It is possible to get through life without ever having one really good friend to support you and be supported by you. It is possible to get through life without ever having a significant other. While it is better to have good friends and companionship, it isn't necessary. I would not say it is not worth it if you have it, but don't waste your life seeking it. Enjoy the friends and family you have, but when they move on, open your heart to others. I am learning that you cannot ever run out of love. As new people come into your lives, there is room in your heart for them along with everyone else--nobody needs to be replaced. Your heart just automatically expands to encompass them as well! It's amazing and so sweet. Yes, it hurts when it is time to move on or others leave you. However, do not dwell on the sadness of parting, but, rather, the joy of new relationships. That is hard for me to do, but when I finally slap myself out of a pity party, I feel so much better!

All this change makes me look back at my life. That's not an altogether happy thing. However, all the things I've done make up who I am. Whether I like that or not, it's just the way it is. All that remains is for me to decide whether or not I will accept who I am. But if I do not accept my identity, how can others accept it?

Such are the random thoughts that flit through my mind almost daily as I deal with this in-between state. And the desire to stand up and walk off somewhere remains. But I have been told to go to bed and must obey.