Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they already know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?”
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my favorite …
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends—if they’re okay, then it’s you.
3 comments:
These are so funny..
Although, on the last one, all three of my best friends are insane, plus myself. *smiles at Ruth, Joy, and Harrison*
Because we're hoping there's still a little juice in those dead batteries and we're too lazy to get up to get some new ones.
Because they really want your moolah.
Because whether or not there really are four billion stars out there or not, that wet paint will still require turpentine on our clothes or skin if we lean into the wall.
Because he's really a girl. Scary, huh.
Because, well, did you throw the revolver at his head or his chest?
Because they want to make it to the actual Kamikaze-ness.
A non-lisper.
The animals or the boys? We've got both of them.
Because all that color has leached into your skin and hair... and the bathtub.
Yes, when people stop sleeping... oh, wait. They don't sleep now. Huh.
Because... *wanders off to check fridge again* Hey, look! Strawberries! *wanders back* That's why.
Because when you pick it up and put it back down, you made it easier for the vacuum to pick up. That trashcan is too far away.
It does for me!
They materialize. It has to do with electrons, mass spectrometers, et cetera. Yeah, I don't really get it.
Because we're never going to see them again and we're supposed to be polite and civil.
Because we're secretly going to stalk them down the aisles until the opportune moment when we can ram into their ankles... revenge is a dish best served cold...
Because we need more ballet lessons. Or baseball games.
Because we are a people of one temperature... comfortable.
Because the father-in-laws are the ones with the shotguns.
And no, it's me.
HAHA YOO COO!
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