*sniffles*

*sneezes*

ah. I love my brother. haha. he brought his laptop to MI just 'cuz I asked him to. ^__~

I got a ton of books for Christmas from an aunt. heh. Asimov, Dosteovsky, Dante. Pure intelligence. ;P

And my sister forced me to relax.. so now I'm sick. >.< but what better place to get sick at? haha. I have two aunties, a grandma, a mom and dad, and a brother and sister ALL to pity me-- the poor, sweet baby. haha. I think part of it has to do with being the youngest... there's noone else to fight with for attention. I don't get this at home. nopes. not at all.

Anyways... Merry Christmas everyone!!!

When you Wish Upon a Star

"when a star is born
they possess a gift or two
one of them is this
to make your dreams come true
when you wish upon a star
makes no difference who you are
any thing your heart desires
will come to you

if your heart is in your dreams
no request is too extreme
when you wish upon a star
as dreamers do

fate is kind
she brings to those who love
the sweet fulfillment of
their secret longings

like a bolt out of the blue
fate steps in and sees you through
when you wish upon a star
your dream comes true"

For Joy.. I thought of you when I was last playing this song on the piano. remember.. "anything your heart desires will come to you." I'm coming on Saturday! *grins*

"To be or not to be" parody

To trust or not to trust- that is the question
That approaches us with each new acquaintance
Tempting us to open up ourselves to them,
And seek in them a friend and bosom buddy-
A companion who can share my memories,
My thoughts, my feelings, my hopes, my despairings.
Yet, the heartache and the heartrending sorrow
That accompany betrayal-- 'tis a pain
That cannot be spoken. To trust, to love-
To love, perchance to be betrayed. There's the rub,
For in that bosom buddy what knives may lurk,
When having bared our hearts and minds to scrutiny,
They stab us, leaving us broken and bloody,
Never to love again, our hearts dead to all.

oiyo

So, I'm ready to take action!

But so many people don't like it. And I'm being massively guilt-tripped. =[

I'm feeling very reclusive. *laughs* But you know what.. I don't mind. I've been a loner before, and I can be one again.

*thoughtful look* In fact, I hang out with almost completely different people each year, this year no exception. *shrugs*

I'm ready for conquest. In fact, it has already begun. Slowly, all the pieces are falling into place..

[yay for crypticness! Sorry, guys =]]

Stuck

I look back. It is a position I am well accustomed to because I do it so often.
Then I look forward, and realize how dark it is.
Then I look at myself, and can't help but frown.

And I realize I spend too much time looking and too little time acting. Certain things cannot be changed, so live with it! I have many regrets. Many things I have learned that I wish I did not know, but that can not be helped. It's time I stopped holding on to my childhood and let it all go. It's time I took what I know and stop second-guessing it.

I'll do what I said I'm going to do, merely because I gave my word.
I know truths you could not imagine. Truths that would change you drastically.

It's time to leave this middle ground.

Waiting

*waits for inspiration*
aha! Wait.. it went away. hmph.

I actually do have an idea, but it still needs some developing and I get the feeling that if I were to try and develop it, everything might come out wrong.

My brother's coming home tomorrow!

My room is the most intricate obstacle course you will ever see. It takes the flexibility and strength of a gymnast to actually be productive in it. *grins* no peeking!

Perhaps I am reading too much into this? Perhaps I am gleaning meanings from where there is nothing? I DON'T KNOW!!!! >.< grr.. I wish I did. I wish I knew what to do. All I want to do is run away. Those potential hidden meanings scare me.

Howdy

So, in case any of you are wondering why I wasn't in school today, I had a major allergic reaction last night to some unknown food substance and I got all swollen and itchy all over and had to go to the emergency room. So there. Now you know.

For once, I looked asian! *laughs* my eyes got so puffy they turned squinty and I looked asian with my squinty eyes. It was definitely an exotic look- white person with asian eyes. I don't think I'll try it again in such a manner.

I should be at school again tomorrow.. unless I get another random allergic reaction. *grimaces*

*yawn*

It's Saturday.
I didn't get up until 12:30.
I jammed my first finger last night.. it swelled up.. but I didn't have time to ice it. I was sooo tired. I just went to bed. And now it hurts. oh well.. at least I can still type.
At least I can still smile.
I'm reminded how special people are.
How much more important others are than myself.
How much seeing someone else smile can lift your spirits.
How much more you get out of giving than receiving.
As long as you are happy, I want nothing...
.. except maybe sleep. *grins*
Merry Christmas.

Burned out.
Exhausted.
Although, it is good to know that I frustrate people. It shows that they care.
Because they get so frustrated that I won't let them help-- that I won't let them inside.
It's not their fault.. I don't know who to trust anymore.
I'm tired of being judged.
If I show you who I am, will you turn me away, too? Just like everybody else....
*shrugs* as much as you tell yourself that you will.. you never really get over it. you never get used to it. You always slip up again... always open yourself up.
Sadly, there have been few cases where i have not been sorry that I trusted someone.
I'm tired.
Why won't you let me rest?