First take extreme exhaustion,

then add a little bit of chocolate.

The result?

Highly explosive material.

Candle on the Water [Disney]

I'll be your candle on the water,
My love for you will always burn.
I know you're lost and drifting,
But the clouds are lifting,
Don't give up you have somewhere to turn.

I'll be your candle on the water,
'Til ev'ry wave is warm and bright,
My soul is there beside you,
Let this candle guide you
soon you'll see a golden stream of light.

A cold and friendless tide has found you,
don't let the stormy darkness pull you down.
I'll paint a ray of hope around you,
circling in the air lighted by a prayer.

I'll be your candle on the water,
this flame inside of me will grow.
Keep holding on, you'll make it,
Here's my hand so take it,
look for me reaching out to show as sure as rivers flow,
I'll never let you go,
I'll never let you go,
I'll never let you go.

~I learned to play this song on piano a long time ago. It has stayed with me ever since.~

I was reminded the other night how long it's been since I've cried.

I'm not about to start now. I'm just going to grit my teeth and ignore the pain coursing through my body.

If this somehow becomes a double post, I will laugh.

Anyways, I just wanted to publicly wish Addison a happy birthday.

He is old, very old, and I wonder if he'll live much longer, but I never stop hoping.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday and that God showers many blessings on you in the coming year.

oi.. My ear is hot and sweaty. But, alas, 'tis the price I pay for my new position as manager.

I don't resent the price I pay. In fact, I love my job. Can I even call it a job?

I just wish I was all powerful and could wipe away all the tears and make everything all better. But I can't!! And it hurts.. >.<

I had another interesting day.

I am now officially a manager. ^.^
[[none of you will ever guess of what, though]]

I am also reminded of how easy it is to forget Geometry. A senior guy I know tutors another Sophomore in the subject. He spent at least 5 minutes staring at a certain problem today, then I went over and solved it for him in a matter of seconds. A couple minutes later, he told me I was wrong and that we had to find the height of the triangle in order to find its area. I flipped the book around and quickly pointed out that it was a right triangle, thus providing both the base and the height. The look in his eyes was priceless. Owning a senior? also Priceless.

Happy Birthday Addison.

You're another year older, which is no surprise.

I hope your day is filled with joy as you embark on another year of oldness.

Congratulations and may God bless you exceedingly.

Pity Me Not

EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY

Pity me not because the light of day
At close of day no longer walks the sky;
Pity me not for beauties passed away
From field and thicket as the year goes by
Pity me not the waning of the moon,
Nor that the ebbing tide goes out to sea,
Nor that a man's desire is hushed so soon,
And you no longer look with love on me.

This have I known always: love is no more
Than the wide blossom which the wind assails;
Than the great tide that treads the shifting shore,
Strewing fresh wreckage gathered in the gales.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.

I was relatively quiet today. I had a lot to say, but preferred solitude. Of all days to be quiet, too! It was the worst day all year. So many things happened.

Part of the reason I was so quiet was because I had a lot on my mind. The events of the day added to that burden. Thankfully, I was able to come home and talk part of it over with my mother. Still, there is a lot on my mind.

One of my friends noticed my change of mood today and asked me what was wrong. I didn't really feel like talking about things and assured him that I was only a little tired. He, of course, did not believe me. Finally, he looked at me in the eyes and said, "You're stubborn." I smiled and nodded, "Of course!" Eventually he stopped and merely stayed near me for comfort's sake.

Something else that the same guy said struck me even more than his thoughtful attentions. He mentioned something about me being perfect. I was shocked that he thought that of me. However, it also forced me to take a look inward. I'm happy that he thinks so highly of me because it reminds me that all I've done has not been useless. If you have not already guessed it, there is a long and rather complicated story behind it all.

On the other hand, it reminds me of how much I lack. I am indeed far from perfect, and I have much yet to accomplish.

He made my day bearable at the same time he made it unbearable.

*deep sigh* The only problem with posting- I have so much to say, but whenever I write a long one, noone reads it. Then again, not many people read this blog anyways. Perhaps I shall post again. If you have any questions, you know how to contact me.

Headachy.

Lonely.

Sad.

Upset.

Disgusted.

Enough said.

I beat out a history major on a history question!!! I feel so smart. ^.^

Yups, my dad is indeed a history major.

yay! I'm posting! Not like many people read this.. oh well. ^.^

I really don't have much to say. I'm getting a really nice tan. ^.^ *happiness*

28 days of school left.

Church this morning. It's only 2:25 and I already have a lot on my mind. It's too early!!

It's been one of those weeks where you have a lot you want to say, but you keep your mouth clamped shut and force yourself to remain somewhat quiet. It got harder near the end of the week and I just.. well.. holed up in a sense. So, I'm still stuck with a lot I want to say.. and I still can't say it. ^.^ I'm sure my dad will think that's a good thing. lol.

"I can't go back, I can't go back,
I must go on.. I must go on..."

"Open your eyes..
You've got to let the sun shine through the rain"

"You know when you feel it
You know when it hits you
There's no mistaking when you fall.
You don't anticipate it
and you can't calculate it
it just comes crashing threw your walls.
I'll love you till the sky falls down
I'll love you till I can't feel anything
anything at all.
And even when you're not around
I'll love you till the sky falls down.
I'll love you till I hit the ground
and lying there, I don't feel anything
anything at all.
And even when you're not around,
I'll love you till the sky falls down.
You lose all sense of reason
You have no sense of danger
It's like your living in a dream.
It lets you float through crowds
and makes you smile at strangers
It's just the strangest state of being
I'll love you till the sky falls down
I'll love you till I can't feel anything
anything at all
and even when you're not around
I'll love you till the sky falls down."

I'm trying so hard to work on my homework. But thoughts of you are too distracting. >.< So, I waste inordinate amounts of time elsewhere. I have a lot on my mind.

Oh, my friend's birthday is coming up! This Friday. Then he'll really be old. ;P

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe" ~Philippians 2: 14-15

I think people should pay more attention to this verse. Everyday at school, it seems as though all I hear is complaining. The worst class is Mandarin. I would hate teaching that class. All the students literally yell at the teacher, complaining nonstop and telling her what she can and cannot do. They don't seem to realize that she is the teacher and can do whatever she wants. Then, when they get a low conduct grade, they complain even more. They just don't seem to get it!

As Christians, we're supposed to set examples for the rest of the world! Instead, we just fit right in!! Sometimes it makes me want to cry.. other times I just want to scream. I usually either do the first one, or neither.

On Friday, I showed the verse to the teacher and we both agreed that our class needs to pay attention to the verse. Probably the thing that hurts me the most is the fact that not everyone in there is a Christian. Enough said.

I want to shine like a star in the sky, how about you?

The funny thing is, you can't truthfully answer that question with words. You can't even be an effective witness with words. I can see your heart shining through your actions.

I really need more sleep. But I think sleeping is such a waste of time!

Speaking of a "waste of time.." that reminds me of something Spencer used to tease me about. *laughs*

Anyways, when I'm this tired, I just stop caring. Then things get dangerous. *nods* But I don't want to sleep!!! hmph.


I should post something meaningful.. but I'm sure it can wait until tomorrow.

So, I have this really annoying feeling coursing through my body. I just want to jump up and go for a run, but I cannot. Energy is coursing through me...

Part of the reason is because I have this great desire to be with you. This sucks for many reasons. One, because I can't tell you (that in itself has many more reasons behind it). Two, because it would be totally impossible.. totally. Three, even if I could go, I couldn't see you. So, I'm doomed.

RAWRG! stupid... annoying... exasperating.

Oh, I forgot a word-- extremely amusing. ;P

He asked for it.

So I gave it to him.

Many people say I am cryptic, which is true.

However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that it is a good thing.

People like things to be easy. Guys go for girls that they know are easy to win over rather than try for a harder one. It's easier to waste time online than to actually do the small amount of homework assigned for the night. It's easier to complain about how hard your life is than to bear up under the burden while still putting others first. It is easier to eat the cookies your mom made than to make them yourself. It's easier to sit on your bum all day while your mother slaves away rather than offer to help her. I think you get the picture.

In today's world, it's all about what's easiest. People will buy products that make their lives easier and enable them to be lazier. Relationships are often short lived and fickle. Life is full of pain.

What many people don't realize is, if they'd just stop being lazy and giving up so easily, the pain wouldn't be as bad. True, the pain will never completely go away, but if you stop focusing on the pain and focus on others instead, it's nowhere near as bad.

The whole point is, being cryptic can be good. I don't want to tell you what to think, I want you to do so on your own. I want each of my readers to take their own personal meaning away from my post. It's not my job to interpret everything for you!! It's your job to get to know me.. to want to know me enough to persevere.

Yes, there's much meaning behind this post.. and I could explain everything I'm thinking to you.. but that would defeat the purpose of a friendship.

What I would say, I do not.
What I would not say, I do.

Sounds somewhat familiar.

I open my mouth, but no words come.

What I would say, I do not.

Two Words

UH

OH

I read a plaque in my friend's house the other day.

"Those who need to be loved the most are those who deserve it the least."

One name came to mind. .then another.. then my own.

And I felt one feeling, shame. I was ashamed for feeling ashamed of the first name that came to mind. Ashamed of the momentary disgust I felt for him.

I stare down at the paper, and my brow creases the more I concentrate.

Why must the world be so complicated? Why can we not be simple?

And then I remember, it is not my place to try and work these things out. My place is merely to obey. True, I cannot be there with you to make everything alright. Too often, a friend needs a hug just when I am not there to provide them with more than one. I feel like I've done most of what I can to help those here, and I'm getting ready to move on. I want to help others! People here no longer need me.. so I should move on. I hate seeing others in need and not being able to help them. When I let myself, I find myself getting aggravated at my situation.

Let's just say my parents and I had an interesting.. conversation tonight. ^.^ It just added to what was on my mind.

Evansville University is CATHOLIC!!! >.<

I asked my mom, "Did you ever make daddy sleep on the couch?"

She shook her head, but my dad piped in. "We don't believe in that, we believe in murder."

*dies laughing*

There's always something to do. For every minute in a day, there are 10 things to do.

I almost wish I could have a day where I didn't have to do anything... where there was nothing to accomplish.. but then I know I'd just give myself something to accomplish. ^.^

University of Evansville.

http://www.evansville.edu/aboutue/

Tell me what you think.

~extensive language programs
~study-abroad opportunities
~3 hours from St. Louis, MO

Walk the Fence

Life is simple, it is we humans who make it complicated.

Here I am, willing to give my life to you... and yet you push it away, never suspecting the power you reject.

*rubs head*

I'm tired.

A thin fence,
dangerous to walk upon,
bearing the balance
of the world
upon its thin timbers.
Every person makes a choice
to walk the fence,
or disembark
on one side
or the other.
To walk the fence is hard.
a life of danger,
love and hate interwoven.
People on both sides of the fence
look up to you,
demanding, hoping,
loving, hating.
For just a moment,
the fence seems to disappear.
You feel yourself falling,
as you are dragged into the darkness
by countless grasping hands.
Fighting against the tide,
you emerge victorious.
Standing tall, you look around
at the countless who have failed.
Walking the fence is dangerous
and few survive.
The rest say it cannot be done.
What about you?

One of the worst things about getting a chinese song stuck in your head is the fact that you can't google it and find the lyrics.. so I'm stuck with this one line... running over and over and over again..

我是一个大苹果。

You know, I completely forgot how much fun it is to cause problems. Usually I'm too busy to actually create any worth laughing over. Now I have and boy is it fun. Amusing. Side- splitting laughter.

True, it may not seem so amusing for the poor victim.. but the answer is so simple! I'll even tell it to my victim if they were only smart enough to ask the right questions!

Man, I should work instead of continuously wasting my time.. but for once, I'm having fun again!

teehee... now that a certain person has finally bookmarked my blog, I must post something positive!! Rawrgh.

As some of you saw, no doubt, I've gotten another threat. *chuckle*

Well, since there isn't a single thought running through my head that I can post about, I shan't post what I'm thinking.

Chapel today.. first question-- "What is love?"

When you're already dying by the first question, hope ceases to exist.

Yes yes, there I go being cryptic again. And what's wrong with being cryptic?

WOMT is back.. they got back today around 4:30.

oh, and for those of you who were wondering.. Yes, I play mind games with people.

Just for you.. "You crack me up!" ~MrsK

Words fluctuate and change. It is easy to act, to pretend that you are someone else.

It seems as though your feelings sway as easily as the wind, when, in reality, you are merely hiding the truth.

Then all those 'smart' people tell you it is unwise to hide your true thoughts and feelings.

The truth is, they do not know. They do not understand. They do not care enough to gain the understanding they lack.

By the time you get around to asking me the meaning behind this, most of it will have fled to the dark corners of my mind. What's left you will not understand, most likely.

What it all boils down to is this:
After six years, you will have built yourself a reputation. As you grow, you change, but your reputation stays the same. So you must act to prevent people from going into shock once they find out the truth. And they never suspect that there is more than meets the eye.

*wink*

I suppose I should post something real and substantial, but then again, who has time?

Feeling fake is interesting.

When you grit your teeth to keep from saying something. What's the point of saying it? You'd only make things worse when there's nothing you can do.

I probably sound really sad and depressed, but strangely enough, I'm not. For once my life is simple. All I need to focus on for the moment is school. Homework and school.

Ignore the problems of the day and immerse yourself in my virtual reality.

Well, he came today. And I'm forcing myself to be happy.

I think I must be missing something. And I know immediately what you'll be thinking.. "of course you're missing something. Your brain, dufus!"

Honestly, I don't get the point.

A junior in highschool is heartbroken and sad because his girlfriend of seven months dumped him for no reason besides she "stopped loving" him.

How can you stop loving someone?

I know many guys who seem to date a different girl every week. Love seems so fickle, and used.

The marriage and divorce rates are interesting. Why get married when you can have fun today without lifetime commitment? It's almost depressing.. for more reasons than one.

I named my ve-hicle Joy so I could go for a Joy-ride without being Joyless. ^.^

Now, I just want a motorcycle even more. I wonder, was doing that wise? After all, it only fed my inane desires...

"Love is a decision"

And too often, we decide to hate rather than love. True, loving is dangerous. When you love, you open yourself up to get hurt. But then, who are we to complain? Any pain we feel is nothing compared to He who loved most of all. So stop complaining and do it! You think you know pain? You think you know what it feels like to be torn open and still be forced to live?

Think again.

Well, I just had a lovely six-day trip.

Half of me wants to talk about it.. half of me wants to stay quiet.

What usually happens in such cases is, I get cryptic. Then everyone gets annoyed and leaves me alone, thus solving the situation by enabling me to stay quiet. ^.^

I'll just say, the trip was interesting.

Heart to Heart

by John Denver
I havent seen all there is to see
But Ive seen quite a bit
Some things Ill always remember
Some things I wish that I could forget
I havent quite been around the world
But Ive been around the block
I know that distances are meaningless
Like the hands that move around a clock
And I know that love is everywhere
Always safe, always true
And exactly where it comes from
Is where its going to
Your heart to mine
My heart to yours
Talk about opening windows
Talk about opening doors
My heart to yours
Your heart to mine
Love is a light that shines
From heart to heart

Here I am sitting in old Hong Kong
The harbor and the lights
Theyre like diamonds in the heavens
Enough to brighten the darkest of nights
Theres another side to sorrow
As there is to everything
Like the other side of lonely
Is falling in love again
And then you know that theres an answer
To the suffering we see
And though it isnt easy
Its still as simple as you and me
And youll know that love is everywhere
Always safe, always true
And exactly where it comes from
Is where its going to

Your heart to mine
My heart to yours
Talk about opening windows
Talk about opening doors
My heart to yours
Your heart to mine
Love is a light that shines
From heart to heart

Your heart to mine
My heart to yours
Talk about opening windows
Talk about opening doors
My heart to yours
Your heart to mine
Love is a light that shines
From heart to heart

Shanghai Breezes

by John Denver
It's funny how you sound as if you're right next door
when you're really half a world away
I just can't seem to find the words I'm looking for
to say the things that I want to say
I can't remember when I felt so close to you
it's almost more than I can bear
And though I seem a half a million miles from you
you're in my heart and living there

And the moon and the stars are the same ones you see
it's the same old sun up in the sky
And your voice in my ear is like heaven to me
like the breezes here in old Shanghai

There are lovers who walk hand in hand in the park
and lovers who walk all alone
There are lovers who lie unafraid in the dark
and lovers who long for home
Oh, I couldn't leave you even if I wanted to
you're in my dreams and always near
And especially when I sing the songs I wrote for you
you're in my heart and living there

And the moon and the stars are the same ones you see
it's the same old sun up in the sky
And your face in my dreams is like heaven to me
like the breezes here in old Shanghai

Shanghai breezes cool and clearing
evening's sweet caress
Shanghai breezes soft and gentle
remind me of your tenderness

And the moon and the stars are the same ones you see
it's the same old sun up in the sky
And your love in my life is like heaven to me
like the breezes here in old Shanghai

And the moon and the stars are the same ones you see
it's the same old sun up in the sky
And your love in my life is like heaven to me
like the breezes here in old Shanghai

Fly Away

by John Denver
All of her days have gone soft and cloudy
All of her dreams have gone dry
All of her nights have gone sad and shady
Shes getting ready to fly

Fly away, fly away, fly away

Life in the city can make you crazy
For sounds of the sand and the sea
Life in a high-rise can make you hungry
For things that you cant even see

Fly away, fly away, fly away

In this whole world theres nobody as lonely as she
Theres nowhere to go and theres nowhere that shed rather be

Shes looking for lovers and children playing
Shes looking for signs of the spring
She listens for laughter and sounds of dancing
She listens for any old thing

Fly away, fly away, fly away

Just a Note

Dear Ruth,
I realy like you. Do you like me? We had fun the first day I went to your house.
Love,
Courtney
(written by Lydia)
(exept for name)

Another Funny! ^.^

So, today, my mom wanted to go to Jamba Juice after our chiropractor appointment. On the way, she had me get out her card which she had recently reloaded. I located the card, set it on my lap, and continued reading my book. When we pulled up, I put my bookmark in my book, thinking to myself how nice it was to have such a thick bookmark. We walk into the store, order our drinks, and my mother turns to me for the card.
"Do you have the card?"
"Yeah.... uuh.. oh, I left it in the car in my book. I used it as a bookmark!"

I'm so good! ^.^

Funny!! ^.^

Only those of you who saw Dragonwings will understand this one.. sorry. ;P

I got my birth certificate in the middle and my dad's name was put as Brian J. Camburn. His middle initial should be T.! So, we called the registrar of deeds to see if it was on file like that. His named is registered as Brian John Camburn. The first thing that popped into my head was...

"My name not John!"

That was a hilarious play! Even though I don't think it was supposed to be... o_O oh well. ^.^

Calypso

Words and Music by John Denver
dedicated to Jacques Cousteau

To sail on a dream on a crystal clear ocean

To ride on the crest of a wild raging storm
To work in the service of life and the living
In search of the answers to questions unknown
To be part of the movement and part of the growing
Part of beginning to understand

Aye, calypso, the places you’ve been to
The things that you’ve shown us
The stories you tell
Aye, calypso, I sing to your spirit
The men who have served you
So long and so well

Like the dolphin who guides you
You bring us beside you
To light up the darkness and show us the way
For though we are strangers in your silent world
To live on the land we must learn from the sea
To be true as the tide
And free as the wind-swell
Joyful and loving in letting it be

Aye, calypso, the places you’ve been to
The things that you’ve shown us
The stories you tell
Aye, calypso, I sing to your spirit
The men who have served you
So long and so well

Aye, calypso, the places you’ve been to
The things that you’ve shown us
The stories you tell
Aye, calypso, I sing to your spirit
The men who have served you
So long and so well