Too often, We Forget

Everyday, we go about our busy lives, hardly realizing...

Not Too Far From Here as sung by Michael Crawford

Somebody's down to their last dime
Somebody's running out of time
Not too far from here
Somebody's got nowhere else to go
Somebody needs a little hope
Not too far from here
And I may not know their name
But I'm praying just the same
That You'll use me, Lord
To wipe away the tears
'Cause somebody's crying

Not too far from here
Somebody's troubled and confused
Somebody's got nothing left to lose
Not too far from here
Somebody's forgotten how to trust
And somebody's dying for love 
Not too far from here

It may be a stranger's face
But I'm praying for Your grace
To move in me
And take away the fear 
'Cause somebody's hurting
Not too far from here
Help me, Lord
Not to turn away from pain
Help me not to rest
While those around me weep
Give me Your strength and compassion
When somebody finds
The road of life too steep

Not too far from here
Somebody's troubled and confused
Somebody's got nothing left to lose
Not too far from here
Somebody's forgotten how to trust
And somebody's dying for love 
Not too far from here

Now I'm letting down my guard
And I'm opening my heart
Help me speak Your love
To ev'ry needful ear
Someone is waiting
Not too far from here
Someone is waiting
Not too far from here

*phantom of the opera intro music*

Ladies and Gentlemen..

*dun dun duuuun*

Michael Crawford!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm exhausted. I hurt all over.. my legs are sore.. my stomach is sore.. my feet are in serious pain.

I'm sooo happy! ^.^

Sooo happy!

I'm so happy! I got my two precalculus books today!!!

*dances in circles*

And I started on my summer work!

*smiles*

I'm so happy! Now, I have four math books, Geometry, Alg II, and two Precalc. Almost done with Geo and Alg, just starting Precalc. ;P

So exciting. Imma gonna burst. >.<

I find my Geometry class rather amusing. Geometry is very open to interpretation. There could be many ways to come up with the same answer, or proof as is most often the case. We are encouraged to be logical, yet open minded. To think outside the box in order to come up with the solution. It strikes me as funny when the teacher seems to encourage close-mindedness through his/her actions. On a test today that my teacher handed out, it seemed as though there was only one possible answer. He didn't even bother to explain or look over it in response to our questions! So much for open-minded... so much for thinking outside the box.

Obviously, you're only supposed to think outside the box when THEY want you to. I think it's called.. oh.. what's the word? Manipulation? or Brainwashing? or both.

I know this is a weird thing to say.. and I never would have thought I'd feel this way.

But I honestly wish I did have an ex-boyfriend. >.<

and amusingly enough, no one will be able to guess why. Even those who know me "better than myself."

The question: Do you have a boyfriend?

" Ruth: aiya.

maybe.

depending on what a boyfriend is exactly..

what do you do with them?

o_O

A: silly

Ruth: seriously!

A: ummmm

you have a bit more of a special feeling for a boyfriend/girlfriend than you do for anybody else, to talk in your two-year old speaik

speak

Ruth: blinks

oops..

lolz.

uuh... but... how much more special?

A: just...

to the point where you pay more attention to that person and care more for that person than a best friend of the same gender

Ruth: but what do you DO with them?

A: that would be crush...

Ruth: can you eat them like chocolate?

A: unless the feeling is returned

and admitted

I dunno...

I've never had one

Ruth: I think there's a very good reason why I don't have one ^.^

don't you?"

"As the patient eyes were lifted to his face, he saw a sudden doubt in them, and then astonishment. He pressed the work-worn, hunger-worn young fingers, and touched his lips.
'Are you dying for him?' she whispered.
'And his wife and child. Hush! Yes.'
'O you will let me hold your brave hand, stranger?'
'Hush! Yes, my poor sister; to the last.'" [page 360]

evilcndylvr (10:11:28 PM): my life is too funny.. I can't bear it.

evilcndylvr (10:11:35 PM): my.. stomach..

evilcndylvr (10:11:36 PM): >.<

TarAncalime07 (10:11:02 PM): yeah. die of amusement at your own life.

TarAncalime07 (10:11:11 PM): there's an amusing death scenario for you.

L.O.L.

So, Mr. Yuen ordered chicken and noodles for dinner for the Theater cast and crew. Afterwards, during the performance, there was a ton of chicken left. It's really addicting and once you start eating it, you can't stop. Venus was trying to get me to eat more chicken, but I wouldn't so she called me a chicken. Earlier, she had gone outside, complained that it was too cold, and retreated back inside. As she walked off to the bathroom, I yelled after her, "at least I'm not a cold chicken!"

We must have laughed for a half hour straight over that and miscellaneous others.

98.5 degrees.

slight fever.

at least I only threw up once this time.

Tip of the Tongue

The words are there.
You open your mouth and look at him.
Pausing for a moment,
you close your mouth again.
For once in your life
your glad that no one can read your mind
glad that he's such a terrible guesser
glad that you've become so good at hiding things.
The words are gone,
but the thoughts remain.
You wonder,
could he handle it?
Or would he fade away
just like all the rest.
Your brow creases
as feelings of guilt and sadness settle down about you.
You remember once again why.
Why your life is the way it is
why you've become who you are
why you do what you do.
Disgusted with your foolishness
you shake your head.
Maybe next time,
there will always be a next time.
Another chance to decide
whether or not to voice
what is on the tip of your tongue.

Alas, another poem by a friend. ^.^

Floating

You feel lighter
And look down.
The ground falls away as you rise up
higher and higher
What is this feeling?
Is it flying?
Or merely floating?

Floating
above the ground
above the crowd
above the world.
Or is it flying?
Launching yourself
leaving the ground
and the world behind.

You see a star
and reach out.
Your fingers close around it
and seem to have gained a mysterious glow
as the star disappears.

Spinning around,
you spot the ground fast approaching again.
Pulled back in
to the mad rat race of life.
You land
surprisingly soft,
instead of the jarring landing
you expected.
looking to the sky,
there is a hole.
The hole where once resided a star
The star you now hold inside you.

You smile
and others look at you
wondering why you laugh.
They look to the sky
but see only blackness-
death and despair.
wondering at their confusion,
you look up.
The stars glow brightly
and light up the darkness in your life.
You point
and they laugh.
What is this light you speak of?
No one believes.
The age of believing is over.

"Over There"

Over There
Over There
Send the word
Send the word
Over There
That the boys are coming
The drums rum-tuming everywhere.
Over There
Say a prayer
Send the word
Send the word
To beware.
It will be over.
We're coming over
And we won't come back
Till it's over
Over There.

Johnnie get your gun
get your gun
get your gun
Back in town to run
Home to run
Home to run
Hear them calling you and me
Every son of liberty
Hurry right away
Don't delay go today
Make your Daddy glad
To have a had such a lad
Tell your sweetheart not to pine
To be proud their boy's in line.

Pain

If pain is all psychological, then why can I not ignore it?

真麻烦！ 哎呀。

It really does get annoying after a while.

Obsession?

What's that?

*yawn*

I'm not obsessed! ^.^

At least, not anymore.

But I am thinking of dumping my boyfriend... now, that could get confusing. o_O

Feelings and emotions are so fickle.

teehee.

"You don't understand."
"How can I understand if you don't tell me?"
"That's the whole point."
If I wanted you to know, I would tell you.

The Tapestry

A beautiful tapestry hung upon the wall. As the years went on, it was forgotten and neglected. Ivy and other green plants grew up and covered parts of it. One day, a young prince walked by and the tapestry caught his eye. He looked at the few places that were uncovered and grimaced in disgust. The few exposed pictures appeared ugly to him and spoke of things he did not understand. His attention was drawn away to more important things and the ivy resumed it's task of covering. A short while later, a small child came along. His gaze was all around him and he looked at the ivy curiously. Seeing something behind it, he slowly pulled away at the ivy. The strange and complex pictures did not frighten him away and he traced them lightly with his finger, feeling his mind filled with the knowledge they imparted. Before long, due to his persistence, the tapestry was fully exposed. He gasped at its beauty and wondered who had crafted it with such skill. He left and returned a short while later with his mother. She, too, gasped and took it down with great care. Hanging it in her room, it remained there contentedly, until they too forgot about it...

There was only one who never forgot, it's maker.

I post many.. strange.. things. All of them have intricately woven, hidden meanings. Oftentimes there are multiple meanings. If you do not wish to exercise your mind, my blog is not the thing to read. Things are rarely what you think..

I see you, and smile. You make me happy. Being with you, talking with you. And yet, you are not mine. A tear comes to my eye as I realize.. I'm alone. I see you there, with her. Happy. Carefree. Focused on your life, oblivious to all those around you except her.

And the world turns. Everyone has their friends and their groups... no one thinks of those who have none. Perhaps the one stranger who slowly fades into the darkness, the tears unnoticed on his cheeks.

I pause, thinking of the beauty of life. The pleasure and joy gotten from the living of it. I remember how much I have to be thankful for and smile. For a moment, I am happy. Deliriously happy.

Then, suddenly, I plunge back down and find myself holding back tears. I long for his arms around me, the feel of his face next to mine. His scratchy chin that is badly in need of a decent shave. The knowledge that I am loved even as I watch him from the background. The comfort of knowing that I can ask him anything, however silly, and he will answer me- even hug me. Thinking of his door, and all I need to do is knock.. and he will open it up.

But now, who will be there? A commander Data, pointing his phaser at me.. my love has gone. And I am empty.

Defying Gravity

"Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

GLINDA
Can't I make you understand?
You're having delusions of grandeur:

ELPHABA
I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down:
(spoken) Glinda - come with me. Think of what we could
do: together.

(sung) Unlimited
Together we're unlimited
Together we'll be the greatest team
There's ever been
Glinda -
Dreams, the way we planned 'em

GLINDA
If we work in tandem:

BOTH
There's no fight we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying gravity
With you and I
Defying gravity

ELPHABA
They'll never bring us down!
(spoken) Well? Are you coming?

GLINDA
I hope you're happy
Now that you're choosing this

ELPHABA
(spoken) You too
(sung) I hope it brings you bliss

BOTH
I really hope you get it
And you don't live to regret it
I hope you're happy in the end
I hope you're happy, my friend:

ELPHABASo if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!"

Thanks to Deborah for lending me her CD. <3

A Sense of Adventure?

I'm eccentric.

It's understood.

I go for things without much thought.

It's obvious.

And yet, if I think about things too much, I lose my sense of adventure. There are a billion reasons why not to do something.. and only a few why.

Why?

Funnies! ^_^

So, this entire week almost, I've had these two disgusting looking bruises, one on each arm. I'm pretty sure their from playing Volleyball everyday, but I've never gotten any from Vball before. o_O oh well. Anyways, since I'm a slight masochist, I pretty much ignore them and continue to play Vball through the pain. Hey, pain is all psychological anyways, right? ;P

This morning, I raised my hand to ask a question and my teacher was like, "why do you always have bruises on your arms?" Something like that. It was really funny. ^.^ Yes, I have a lovely supply of fresh bruises, and no, I do not get them on purpose.

I'm just accident prone. Extremely. >.<

A Life Worth Living

There is a time when every man looks back on his life and analyzes it. Was it a life worth living?

Even though I am young, I have thought about that question many times. Some of you know that two years ago, I wrote down a story idea and sought to turn it into a movie. It fell through, miserably, and I felt like a complete idiot afterwards. Last year, something similar happened. I told myself I wouldn't let it happen, but my cousin assured me that it would all turn out okay. I left it in his hands and set about putting it to paper. That time, when everything fell through, I felt like an even bigger idiot. Now, here I am again. And I wonder, will I be the idiot this time?

For everything a person wants to do in life, there are a million reasons why they should not do it. I've noticed that most people would rather just accept all the reasons why they shouldn't do something and give up. That bugs me. Then again, I'm a very passionate person, but nowadays, noone fights for what they want. If you really want something, don't give up! There will always be reasons why you shouldn't do something. It takes true guts to go against the laziness of the world and actually fight to fulfill your dreams.

As I look back at those two years, I feel like a total and complete idiot. Then I wonder, will I be the idiot for the third year in a row? Or will I fight to fulfill my dream?

When I look back at my life, if I give up whenever there is a roadblock, my life will not have been worth living. Only if I fight for things I believe in will my life have been worth living.

Exhaustion

When you reach the point of exhaustion, and you cannot move another muscle.
Then you realize that the day is only half over. You push yourself further and further, forcing yourself to stay alert. Your mind is working a hundred times fast, trying to do multiple things at once. You get home and simply want to collapse. The shower barely rejuvenates you, and you're soon as exhausted as before. However, your day is far from over. You still must make dinner and do the dishes, then settle down for a long night of homework.

Only when you've gone above and beyond the point of utter exhaustion can you know your limits.. and the true meaning of pain.

On a happier note, there was this really amusing idiot driver today. He pulled up in the lane next to my dad and I and I knew he was going to speed ahead. As the light turned green, he did exactly that, only to be stuck behind another car (first laugh). Then, that car turned out to be really slow (second laugh). And the next light was just turning green as that car got there, but it stopped to turn. Before it can turn, it has to let all the other cars on the other side go through. My dad sees the turn signal, and moves to go around it as we laugh at the speedy car stuck behind it. In the end, the car who was the most rushed ended up stuck behind us and three other cars. And we get.. the last laugh! ^.^

Death or Life

I know two girls. They are alike in many ways. And, yet, they are very different.

They both suffer with depression. Every day, they look happy, as though they didn't have a care in the world. However, the minute they get home, they want to cry.

One is quiet and reserved, hiding herself with her silence. The other is more talkative, but only tells stories that say nothing of who she really is or what she really thinks and feels. Both are experts at hiding, but do it in different ways.

I will talk about them one at a time.
She had a hard life. Dragged from place to place, she was betrayed multiple times and was scared to trust anyone. It was safer to keep everyone at a distance since she didn't want to be hurt again. The pain twisted at her heart, yet she did not show it. Who would care? They would only laugh at her weakness. No one cared about her. Due to her unique circumstance, she was often alone. The one thing she wanted most of all was to be loved and accepted for who she was.. but no one would pay any attention to her. She was forced to change in order to fit in. If she did not act a certain way, she would be rejected as an outcast. Thus, she trained herself to hide the truth even deeper inside her and how to dodge questions skillfully. She found that often people didn't care and after asking a few unsuccessful questions, they would leave her alone. And yet, she still felt so alone.

The other girl was a lot like the first. She was less eloquent, but could still avoid saying anything about herself. She suffered with depression and often dreamed of suicide. She had no will to live and no friend worth living for. Her quiet disposition often left her unnoticed. When she did speak out or make any friendly motion, many people were scared away by her unique nature. It seemed as though no one could love her for who she was.


As I said before, the two are different. True, there are the obvious differences, but the endings are different as well. Endings.. true, there has not been an end yet, only the ending at this point. Only their lives now. For, yes, these are true people. I happen to know both of them in real life.

The first girl thinks she is completely different from the second, but does not realize how wrong she is. That is, she was almost exactly the same until she got tired of it. She came home and cried, every night for three nights. Her life felt empty. She had no reason to live, and no reason to die. Suddenly it hit her. She knew all the answers, she just needed to apply it. From that day on, she made sure she read her Bible every night. Since then, she had been feeling better.

The other girl hasn't found that out yet. Only when one is completely empty can they begin filling up again. Then, there's still a chance they'll try to fill up with the wrong thing. Now, the first girl is finally different from the second. She has found the answer and is able to view her life clearer. She is learning a lot on her journey and I greatly enjoy talking to her. Now, all we can do is pray for the other.

First things first...

Since I'm sure most of you are wondering about the whole "men are wimps" post, I'll address that one first.

The thing that struck me as I read your comments was the.. intricacy you could say.. of the English language. When using English, a lot of it is understood through interpretation. However, if you interpret the words incorrectly, you will come to the wrong conclusion. It reminds me of a Star Trek episode I watched over the summer. In it, Troy loses her telepathic ability. She has a very difficult time because she cannot feel each person she converses with. Our interpretation is like her telepathic abilities. If the other person can build up a wall, our interpretation will be next to useless and we must learn to rely on other abilities.

English oftentimes has many meanings for one word, or the words change meanings. A prime example is the word "men." It could refer to the entire male gender, or all of mankind. It is our own interpretation that decides that. The comments reflect the interpretation of the readers.


Their reaction was also highly amusing. When a child is confronted about something they do wrong, half the time their initial reaction is to point at someone else and blame them for something. The comments instantly reminded me of that. I find it interesting that they did not inquire after why I said what I said, or try to present a defense. Rather, they named any faults of women.

Rather amusing.

Or perhaps, I was only in a mood where I'm easily amused. Then again, I've been that way for at least a week, maybe more. ;P

Yippee.

Well, when I was in the car on the way home, I thought of something I wanted to post about.

Then, when I got home I watched a movie and thought of something else I wanted to post.

Then, I read the comments on my last post and found something even more.

In the end, I post one or two insignificant sentences.

Oooh, I just thought of something else!

Too bad, it's past my bedtime. ^.^

Out of my system...

Men are wimps.

There.. now that I've said that. I feel better. ^.^

Wimpy. Pathetic. Pansies. ^.^

No offense, of course.

Tuesdays and Thursdays...

my mom has piano lessons.

And that's why there's this person staring at me as I type.

"Deborah? I saw Deborah's name.. scroll down! Oh, Deborah was cute when she was little. But Gideon was chubby.." *motions with hands how he had chubby cheeks* ~Joanna Fong

Very amusing.